Mommy has to use the potty, boys....

When did crapping alone become a luxury in my life? I know, I know - when I decided to become a mother but good grief I miss luxury craps.

I don't think I've used a bathroom alone since the day Brody was born on July 16, 2008. Dude, I even had to have help peeing after a 7 lb 11oz baby barreled through my birth canal during my hospital stay.
After we were home, it was a quick run with Brody in his bouncy seat or laying on the bathroom floor.

Then I thought when Eli was born on December 22, 2009 that I'd have a few days of peace and quiet in the hospital to bond with my baby and maybe pee alone. Nope.

The next part of this picture is having a 17 month old and newborn at home then trying to find time to take a pee by myself. Think it happened? Lord no.

Let's talk about husbands and their alone bathroom time, shall we? My husband can walk into the bathroom for 45 minutes with no one banging on the door, screaming for daddy or having a 36 inch little person burst through door like the house is on fire. Nope. He gets to read a magazine, play a game or two on the iPad, heck even make phone calls and return texts and emails.

Fast forward to the minute I walk into the bathroom, it's like this odd magnetic pull for Brody and Eli. As soon as the door shuts there's screaming, pounding on the door and brothers going haywire. Do you think my husband, if he's home, makes an attempt to stop the kids from screaming and the shenanigans so I can take a crap in silent? Think again, people. And I can't lock the door. I can't. Because when I come out of the bathroom, my bedroom, their bedroom, the living room is trashed. The fridge is open, the milk jug is on the floor - pandaemonium, people.

Never mind if he isn't home to distract them. The door is flung open, we play a game of 20 questions (riveting questions about anatomy, what I'm doing and if I need help wiping) and to top it off, I've often had to hold a crying infant or toddler or two while on the pot. Who does that?

Oh that's right - a mom does that.

Now if you excuse me, Eli has found the PBS Kids app on my iPad and turned on Barney. Do you think he's in the room now playing with and listening to that horrid app? Nope. Just another day of being a mom. Sing with me - "I love you, you love me...."