In the eye of the hurricane

I've been very transparent on my faith in my blog and my life. I grew up very rooted in religion and faith was shoved down my throat. So much so, as an adult, I shut my faith off completely. I haven't had faith in my now failing marriage, my struggling journey in motherhood or my so-called crazy life and I've just been free-balling it.  Some days that works swimmingly and others, uh yea - not so much. 

When I find myself drowning in life, I surround myself with good, honest, real, humble, imperfect people that I'm lucky to call my friends. Best of all, these people come in all forms. They are kids/mentors I grew up with in Christian schools, co-workers, cousins, mom friends and people I met in random life situations. I have had some of the most life altering conversations lately with people I meet in the most unexpected places. People that most Christians I grew up around would judge the hell out of them based on their appearance and circumstances but inside they are the most down-to-earth, honest, genuine and unintended faith based people I've ever met.  One in particular has pushed me to think outside the box, look at the big picture and just trust that everything is happening for a reason. He's pushed me to see the good even when it feels impossible and uneventful. I'm not sure he understands that our brief friendship has changed me in a way that I'll never be able to give words to, I just know that I'm thankful for that.  

I also often turn to Christian music which again goes against everything that was instilled in my now on the way to reformed Baptist heart. I mean, God doesn't like the drums, does he? Oh wait.... 

Anyway, I came across Natalie Grants "Hurricane" and the words hit me just like a hurricane. I'm in the middle of a life-changing situation and these words describe how I feel daily. Sometimes minute by minute but in the end, there's a bigger plan that I can't see and I need to have faith that God's got this. He's not putting me through this storm to not break, change or make me see something/some lesson that I need for whatever reason. Sometimes it just takes humbling yourself to realize you can't do it alone and I realized lately, I can't do it alone. I'm not doing it alone. I have amazing kids, family, friends, and a church that is rooting for me to seek God and let him reach me, where I am in the hurricane. I know and love a God who's mercy and forgiveness overflows to me daily, even when I don't deserve it and let's be honest - I don't deserve it but for whatever reason He's willing to give it to me and today, I'm thankful. 

Hurricane

By: Natalie Grant

You're spinning out of control again
Your life feels like a sinking ship
You're wondering how it came to this

Is it too late?
Is it too far?
For Him to reach you
And come to where you are

Step out on the edge
Don't be afraid of it
And when you feel the rain
Call His name
He'll find you in the hurricane

You're in the wreckage underneath
Your hope is buried somewhere deep
You're wondering how long it will keep?

It's never too late
Never too far
For you to reach out
And take a hold of love

Step out on the edge
Don't be afraid of it
And when you feel the rain
Call His name
He'll find you in the hurricane

Don't back down from the fight
He'll shelter you tonight
Just hold on for the change
Call His name
He'll find you in the hurricane

There's a place, there's a place you can run
When you fall, and it's all come undone
You'll be safe in the raging storm
So just let go
'Cause you are held in His arms

Step out on the edge
Don't be afraid of it
And when you feel the rain
Call His name
He'll find you in the hurricane

Ooo ooo...

And when you feel the rain
Call His name
He'll find you in a hurricane