There's nothing to fear but fear itself...

Ahhhh, fear. Fear is a tricky little thing.  It has a way to motivate, paralyze, and confuse a person with one single move. It can cloud your judgement. It makes you see things that aren't there. It can push you to keep going when you don't think you have anything left inside. It can make you feel not good enough so you don't take a risk or chance. Fear feeds your assumptions. Fear is a crutch to stay safe. Stay consistent or protected and in the safety zone. Fear is often foolish. Fear can keep you from happiness because you don't think something might be different or worth letting go of the vision in your head based on your past or present. Fear is mean.

Fear has slowly taken over my life. Sweet mother of pearl that feels so weird to even say but it's the truth. I am the girl that isn't afraid of a challenge. I really don't care what people think about me unless it's the people closest to me. There will be more on that later...

I am a risk taker not really focusing on the what-ifs or what can go wrong. I have no time for fear but lately, fear comes in the form of anxiety for me. My anxiety is through the roof since having the boys. I fear daily something will happen to them and I will lose them forever or something will happen to me and my boys will grow up without their momma. The irony here? I can't control that. If that's part of the plan, I have no control over what happens.

Let's be honest - I'm learning that I really have no control at all, whatsoever.

Fear has forced many of my relationship's hands too. When I am fearful, I grab a hold of everything close to me and shut it down. I put up bigger walls so no one can come in and I do that to protect myself to keep from getting hurt. In turn, that hurts worse because of the fear. I'm just a girl that has been hurt deeply a few times in her life and wants to try to prevent that again, whenever I can.

I ask a lot of questions in life. That's just the kind of person I am. When I feel unsure or scared, I talk. A LOT. That seems to annoy people but in real life, it's just me trying to gain an understanding of the situation. I'm a fixer. It's what I do. I want to help not only myself but those I care about so when I experience fear or see those I care about with fear, I want to make it better as fast as I can. I hurt when those I care about hurt. I've been told lately that I wear my heart on my sleeve and I'm learning that might just be the case even though the thought of that weirds me out...

 You might be asking - what can I learn from this? What IS she saying? I'm saying that you can't be fearful of what life is offering you. It might be different than what you're used to. It might make you FEEL different than what you're used to. It might make you want to change who you are and I'm learning that's okay. It's okay to step out of your comfort zone. It's okay to take a chance. You might fail. You might get hurt but you know what? You might not. You might realize that chance changed your life forever in the best way possible.

Regardless of the outcome, don't be afraid to take a risk. It might change your life. I know letting go of the fear of failure, what people think about me, and what I think is best and letting God have the fear has been a lifesaver for me...