A letter to my boys..

Brody and Eli:
My sweet, amazing, lovable boys. You bring me so much pride and joy. I'm not really sure how I got so lucky - but I did - and I'm thankful for that everyday. You changed me for the better and I'm not sure I can accurately tell you what that means.

I want you to know that your dad and I loved each other very much. We tried so hard to make our family work. We were young, in love and at that time was all we needed. Well, it's part of it. The other part is hard work, compassion, grace and forgiveness. That's a big one.  I hope you can remember the good times between me and daddy and take from it the positive but leave the negative. You probably saw and heard more than you should have honestly and for that I'm sorry.

I want you both to grow up believing in love and know that marriage does work. It does. Love works. You have to work at it every day. It's not easy. Your significant other has to work at - they have to WANT to work at it. Don't even stop trying. Don't ever stop being the man God wants you to be. Say I'm sorry. Forgive like crazy. Talk to her. Talk about why you fell in love with her. What you're happy about. Your fears. Dreams. Your joy. Hold her hand. Take her on dates. Kiss her whenever she/you want.  Remember that when you say those vows, they are forever not just when you get tired of being married.

What I'm trying to say here is that just because dad and me didn't work out, it doesn't mean that YOUR relationships won't work regardless of the statistics. It just simply means you have to try harder. Love deeper. Forgive easier. I want you to know that I know you're going to grow up, meet someone and move away from me. It'll be hard but I will support you 100%. I will work hard to love my DIL or the person you chose and not insert myself, cause problems or overstep boundaries. Yes - I'm your mom. I will do all of those things unintentionally but I pray that God will give me an open heart, eyes to see boundaries and ears to hear my words so I won't hurt your wife/my future DILs/partners. That goes for you too.

You need to know that I will push you to fight for your family like no other and all cost. I will not encourage you to take the easy way out and demand you fight for your vows daily.  I will not force you to chose between me and her. As hard as it will be, I will step back and let you live your life as you see fit. Don't get me wrong - I'm here for you. Always. I'll give my opinion when solicited and more often than not, unsolicited because that's the type of mom I am.

Boys, don't be afraid of your parents mistakes. You aren't defined by them. Believe in love. Believe in happily ever afters. It's there - promise - you just have to work at it. For it. It won't be easy. Life isn't easy. Love is a conscious decision you make every day.

Open their car doors. Doors in general. Tell them how you feel. That's huge, Brody and Eli. Communicate. Don't leave things unsaid or unspoken because you never know when it's the last time you'll get a chance to say them.

Don't listen to other people, listen to your heart. If it feels right - do it. Take chances. Every single day take chances. Whether it's on life, love, opportunities or doing the right thing - take the chance. You're going to win some. You're going to lose some.  Be prepared for that.  Learn from all of it. Take those pieces good, bad, ugly, pretty and apply them to your life in hopes it makes you a well rounded person. Be open. Don't be so closed minded that you miss out on a lesson, opportunity, chance or situation because you never know when the who, when, what, where, why and how will teach you something that changes your life.

Remember that I'm always here for you. This situation isn't your fault and you need to remember that as we navigate this life path. Life will be a little different than planned now but God put us here for whatever reason and together as a family we'll get through it. I hope you are able to one day see the love in which you were created and know that you both are loved and wanted more than I can ever put into words.  I will live the rest of my life fighting for you both. Protecting you both. I hope you see that I did all that I could with the best that I am and situation given. It wasn't my plan but always know I'm proud to be your momma and we're going to be okay because we have one another.

I love you both so much.

Love forever and ever,
Your momma